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What happened to me?
What happened to the me with the thick steel coated lead walls around my heart?
The me who’d disregard other’s feelings for that sake of the truth
What happened to the me who’d never tell you what was wrong, no matter how much you pried?
What happened to the me that could wake up in the morning and not wish with every fiber of her being that she hadn’t?
What happened to the me who didn’t care who liked her?
Where did all the inspiration for writing and drawing go?
What happened?

I want my heart’s armor back
I want the me who would make things awkward just because it was amusing
I want my patience and old ways back
I miss the old me

Where’s the girl who wanted to go outside, who wanted to hang out with friends all summer long?
Where’s the girl who never spoke to her crushes because she liked them better from afar?
Where’s the girl who would wait and watch someone before she considered them interesting?
Where’s the girl who made herself scary to keep away those who’d use her?
Oh God where is she?
Where’s the girl who never needed anyone? Who cried anyways when she thought she’d be alone forever
Where are you?

Why’d things end up like this?
Why’d things have to hurt so much?
Why’d things break apart?
No… I know why…

Its not because some boy broke my heart
Its because someone wormed their way into my heart and tore me apart from the inside
Its because someone I called my ‘sister’ betrayed me
Its because I couldn’t see the blindfold my ‘friend’ put over my eyes
Its because I realized too late what was happening
What a terrible mistake that was
Its because I broke before the turmoil was over
Because when I made my ‘sister’ leave, she took most of me with her

Now it’s all bittersweet memories
Now it’s all regrets
Now it’s all a sad realization that nothing’s coming back
Now it’s all in my head

Do you live like this?
What happened?
Wrote this late one night when i started thinking too much
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TRIGGER WARNING!!
Denmark x Depressed!Fem!Reader
~~~
They don’t know, no one can know how weak I am… right? He definitely can’t know that I’m so weak. I’m a wreak on the inside, lonely and broken, so sad, and so many words unspoken. I can never say anything… right?
The hard wood floor is cold against my back… so is the blade of the knife that lies beside me. My skin still unbroken, I could never actually do it. I’ve tried and tried to just end everything. I’m tired of the lonely insomniac nights, I’m tired of the ache in my heart, the ache that longs for someone to know… yet how can I tell them?
In a sudden fit of anger I grabbed the knife and pressed the tip into my breast, just above my heart, but yet still not hard enough to split my skin.
Frustrated, I’m so frustrated and angry. I can’t hear anything, and the tears are streaming down my cheeks. I know my phone's ringing on the other side of the living room, but I can’t even hear it, who would even call? Who would call such a broken woman?
I sit there, tears streaming down my cheeks, knife pressed into the soft tender flesh above my heart, nearly ready to slice the delicate organ apart, and I’m so angry all I hear is white noise.
And then a voice breaks through, and I’m so scared.
“(Name)?” It asks, shocked not expecting what it’s seeing. I know its Mathias, I don’t have to look to know its him. I can hear him approaching me slowly.
In a sudden jolt of both fear and embarrassment (mostly fear), the knife slips out of my grasp. It clangs to the floor between my thighs. The second it stops moving its gone, he’s already slid it across the room and down the hall, and his arms are around me in and instant.
He’s shaking, but he’s not crying, he’s scared… scared for me. I’m scared too. Choked sobs that I’ve been holding so long scream out. I’m clutching the back of his shirt so hard I feel like my hands will break. He doesn’t say anything, he just kneels there, knees on either side of my right thigh, his arms around me, my arms around his torso and my face pressed into his shoulder just above his heart. Its beating so fast, but I still can’t stop crying.
I don’t feel so lonely in this moment, here in his arms. I’m so weak, I start apologizing to him over and over. I’m shaking so much, but my grip on his shirt never falters. I beg him to forgive me in a sea of apologies.
“Its okay,” he whispers calmly. He moves over to my side, settling himself against the wall, taking me into his lap. I still haven’t lifted my face from his shoulder, but my grip of his shirt lessens.
All of the lonely thoughts I’ve hidden indie of me suddenly come bubbling out. I told him everything, and cried until my tears dried up. He listened to every word I said. Though he was silent, which was unusual for him.
We sat there for what seemed like hours. His arms wrapped loosely around my waist, and my face pressed into his shoulder, sitting in silence almost unmoving aside from his thumb rubbing circles into the small of my back.
“Why?” he finally spoke in a hushed voice. “Why would you feel like that? You know that I’m always here… there’s no need to feel so lonely.”
“Mathias…” I whispered so quietly I don’t even think he heard me. He unwound his arms from me, and brought his hands to my shoulders. He gently pushed me back and looked deeply into my eyes as I stared back with my bloodshot ones. He smiled, a small smile that almost wasn’t there and he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
“(Name), you don’t need to worry anymore, I’m always here for you…” Mathias said, his smile growing a bit more and it was so sincere and loving I could have melted. I nodded, a small smile reaching my lips. He shifted me off of his lap and stood up, his hands sliding down my arms and grasping my hands, pulling me up with him.
It’s dark now, I couldn’t see anything, but I knew that he was leading me to my bedroom, his fingers interlaced with my own. I climbed into my soft bed snuggling myself into the sheets, Mathias following behind me. He wrapped his long arms around me and pulled me closer, I could feel his soft breathing in my hair. I was content, the loneliness now gone, and I was warm. My ear pressed against his chest, I closed my eyes and let the song of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.
Settling a Lonely Heart
I thought that it was time to post this, I wrote it awhile ago and I've been meaning to post it. Hope that its no too sad
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Who is she?
She is the tiny child no one wanted to play with, the girl who pretended to be fierce but always hid
She is the girl who’s curious watchful eyes studied everyone else always wondering why
She is the shy owl who slowly faded into the lonely black
The dark where all her sad smiles are never seen
She is a glass full of tears which never empties, but is always spilling
She is the one who never forgets her mistakes
Who always regrets…

She remembers the voices which never spoke out loud
The nights they spent bringing her to tears
She remembers the afternoons spent looking up ‘how to talk to people’
Being laughed at the next day like she was some sort of joke
She remembers her first long term friend
The one who tossed her away without much thought

All the jokes and laughs they had
All the sleepovers and adventures
The bus rides that suddenly weren’t so lonely

She remembers all the fights between the two in the awkward first chapter of high school
She remembers the foolishness
and the long overdue tears of stolen love
She remembers all the bleeding gaping wounds no one could ever see

She is the girl who always lies
saying “I’m fine” with a fake smile
She is the girl who is lonely no matter how many people are around
She is the one who drowns as everyone else breaths around her
She is the girl who sees the good in everyone but herself
The one who never feels good enough

But, she is a dreamer
A dreamer who always dreams of people who love her
A dreamer who always dreams that she is okay
That she is strong
A dreamer who always comes back
A dreamer who knows that she’s nothing special

She is me
I am her
And we, never know why we feel so alone
Even with all these people around…
Lonely Heart
This was an assignment for my English class so I decided to post it
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RoKurosawa
Ro-chan
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I love anime, and I really love to write, read, paint, and draw!
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:iconthecommonmyna:
TheCommonMyna Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2016  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the faves on my Finland reader insert ^^
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:iconhetaliadarki:
HetaliaDarki Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fav! :3
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:iconbespectacledcat:
BespectacledCat Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hiya, thank you for the fave! :D Mind telling me what you liked about my story? I can use all the feedback I get :meow:
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:iconflowerpower71:
flowerpower71 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2015
Thanks for the fav! :D
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:iconladyoflegends:
LadyofLegends Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2015  Student Writer
thanks for the fave! :D (Big Grin) Can you tell me why you liked it?
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:iconrokurosawa:
RoKurosawa Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Student Writer
I think it was really amazing, the way you write just flows so well, and I thought it explained what happened in his head when he's alone, we all have that part of us that lets everyone else's comments sink in and sometimes it opens that door that lets sadness seep in and nest in our minds, I can relate too it because I get like that where i just shut down and avoid everyone.
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:iconanimekage17:
animekage17 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015
Thanks for the favorite! :)
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:iconasdfghjkl-person:
asdfghjkl-person Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favorite~!
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:iconaph-northernireland:
APH-NorthernIreland Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015
((Thank you for the favourite~!))
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:iconplaceclevertitlehere:
placeclevertitlehere Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2015  Student Writer
Thank you for the favorite and lovely comment!
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