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About Literature / Student Ro-chanFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Sometimes I wonder why I feel so lonely, like I don’t understand. I’m not actually lonely but I feel so absolutely alone sometimes, then I met him and its weird because now I don’t get that feeling now, but its like he’s the only one, like there’s no one else and I don’t understand how he can chase away the feeling that’s been with me for my whole life. Its like he’s always been a part of me and I just needed to find him again and I don’t know why but there’s nothing that scares me about him, not when he tells me that I’m beautiful and sexy and cute and that he loves me, not when he describes to me things he wants to do to me (“things”), he’s just so safe and warm… like I feel like I could wrap myself up in his arms and never leave them because they’re safe and secure and I don’t feel like I’ll be strangled there. Why am I like this? I’m so helpless and weak and he just makes me feel more so but at the same time he makes me feel like I can do anything just because he believes I can and I love him so so much my heart feels like its being jump-started again because how long has it been since I’ve actually felt comfortable with someone? Have I ever really felt comfortable with anyone? I don’t know this feeling of wanting to be wrapped up in him, of wanting to always be close to him, I don’t know this feeling of wanting to wake up in the morning next to him and being able to study his sleeping features just because he’s there and he’s mine and I don’t want to go anywhere because how could I? How could I when I seem to have found the most gentle, kind, caring person in the world who understands my darkness and embraces it igniting every inch that threatens to swallow me up and lose me to eternal sadness and suffering because I can’t keep together my heart and my mind because who will betray me next, who will leave next? He feels like the only sure thing in my life and he’s thousands of miles away but I still can’t fall asleep without looking at his face and wanting to kiss him so badly just to make sure he is real and not something my mind made up to keep me sane. He’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted and I can’t help but think that he’s not real because how can someone so amazing be mine? How can someone like him love me? Because all I am is sadness and yet he somehow still finds the small bit of childish joy that I somehow kept all these years of never really smiling because I forgot how, or maybe I never knew to begin with.
Just some late night thoughts 
What happened to me?
What happened to the me with the thick steel coated lead walls around my heart?
The me who’d disregard other’s feelings for that sake of the truth
What happened to the me who’d never tell you what was wrong, no matter how much you pried?
What happened to the me that could wake up in the morning and not wish with every fiber of her being that she hadn’t?
What happened to the me who didn’t care who liked her?
Where did all the inspiration for writing and drawing go?
What happened?

I want my heart’s armor back
I want the me who would make things awkward just because it was amusing
I want my patience and old ways back
I miss the old me

Where’s the girl who wanted to go outside, who wanted to hang out with friends all summer long?
Where’s the girl who never spoke to her crushes because she liked them better from afar?
Where’s the girl who would wait and watch someone before she considered them interesting?
Where’s the girl who made herself scary to keep away those who’d use her?
Oh God where is she?
Where’s the girl who never needed anyone? Who cried anyways when she thought she’d be alone forever
Where are you?

Why’d things end up like this?
Why’d things have to hurt so much?
Why’d things break apart?
No… I know why…

Its not because some boy broke my heart
Its because someone wormed their way into my heart and tore me apart from the inside
Its because someone I called my ‘sister’ betrayed me
Its because I couldn’t see the blindfold my ‘friend’ put over my eyes
Its because I realized too late what was happening
What a terrible mistake that was
Its because I broke before the turmoil was over
Because when I made my ‘sister’ leave, she took most of me with her

Now it’s all bittersweet memories
Now it’s all regrets
Now it’s all a sad realization that nothing’s coming back
Now it’s all in my head

Do you live like this?
What happened?
Wrote this late one night when i started thinking too much


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Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I love anime, and I really love to write, read, paint, and draw!


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TheCommonMyna Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the faves on my Finland reader insert ^^
HetaliaDarki Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fav! :3
BespectacledCat Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hiya, thank you for the fave! :D Mind telling me what you liked about my story? I can use all the feedback I get :meow:
flowerpower71 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2015
Thanks for the fav! :D
LadyofLegends Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2015  Student Writer
thanks for the fave! :D (Big Grin) Can you tell me why you liked it?
RoKurosawa Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Student Writer
I think it was really amazing, the way you write just flows so well, and I thought it explained what happened in his head when he's alone, we all have that part of us that lets everyone else's comments sink in and sometimes it opens that door that lets sadness seep in and nest in our minds, I can relate too it because I get like that where i just shut down and avoid everyone.
animekage17 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015
Thanks for the favorite! :)
asdfghjkl-person Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favorite~!
APH-NorthernIreland Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015
((Thank you for the favourite~!))
placeclevertitlehere Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2015  Student Writer
Thank you for the favorite and lovely comment!
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